tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9135394669402827879.post6809805545003651894..comments2023-04-29T01:09:22.342-07:00Comments on Story of The Insane: The 50 Dollars or Less Antique ShopDraethereushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03695579752580583660noreply@blogger.comBlogger3125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9135394669402827879.post-62440648671378659242013-08-04T18:51:39.305-07:002013-08-04T18:51:39.305-07:00Yeah. I was planning on doing a re-write. It didn&...Yeah. I was planning on doing a re-write. It didn't feel very complete. Thanks for the input it's much appreciated. Draethereushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03695579752580583660noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9135394669402827879.post-41384112262435459892013-08-04T01:31:57.867-07:002013-08-04T01:31:57.867-07:00Very creepy and cool idea. But, you need to "...Very creepy and cool idea. But, you need to "tell" less and "show" more. (For example, "Mary looking shocked..."; don't tell me, SHOW me.) <br /><br />What do the dolls look and feel like? Make me see them. What do the protagonists look and act like? Make them real. Make me care about them. (The more you say "he" and "they" with no description, the less I care about them. Show me their faces and features, let me hear their voices, etc.)<br /><br />BTW, "Haven't you ever noticed that you're together almost all the time" isn't as effective when you have Mary leave Eric to take a walk in a short story. <br /><br />I know it may not feel like it, but I do like your story. I want to like it more. Bring in the five senses. Make my spine tingle in fear. Bring it.4girlshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00410942934270789179noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9135394669402827879.post-12144050722691974632013-08-04T01:28:34.053-07:002013-08-04T01:28:34.053-07:00This comment has been removed by the author.4girlshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00410942934270789179noreply@blogger.com