Saturday, August 3, 2013

The 50 Dollars or Less Antique Shop

Eric and his girlfriend Mary had always known about the 50 Dollars or Less Antique Shop that was in the older end of town but they had never been in it. Today they finally decided to look into it when they heard some of the stuff is worth a lot more than what it’s sold for. They went in and looked around. Not a lot out of the ordinary. But this antique doll set that Mary was eyeing eventually caught Eric’s attention too. She told him that it was worth a couple hundred bucks so they decided to buy it and resell it. They take a few pictures and then post it online for selling.

The next day a man from the next town over comes by and pays $250 for it. They give him the dolls and he drives off. For two days everything seemed normal. But then he came back and gave them the dolls and told them to keep the money. He then drove off as fast as he could. Confused Mary and Eric look at each other. Then later they post it again.

Another person buys it but two days later the same thing happens. They ask him why he wanted to return it and he frantically said “I don’t want it anymore, just keep those away from me!” He runs over to his car and they ask him to wait but it’s too late. He drove off in a hurry.  They decide to just put the dolls in one of the storage garages. They go home and wonder what made them want to return the dolls.

In the morning they turn on the radio in the car while heading down to the store; when they hear something tragic. The owner of the storage complex had hung himself late in the night. They look at each other and then drive to get the dolls. As soon as they get home they put the dolls in the basement and get out their camera. They set it up to tape all night and they go to sleep.

When they wake up they go down and switch out the memory card. He turns on his laptop and they watch the video together. Nothing happens so they fast forward the video. They slow down right before midnight. At the time-stamp for midnight he could have sworn the largest doll blinked. Eric pauses the video and rewinds it; this time nothing.  Had he just imagined it? Surely not he reassured himself as they watch the rest of the video.

Mary goes out for a walk while Eric stays and researches different types of spirits. The spirit that seemed different than the rest was the one awaked by blood of a relative. These were said to be so rare that there’s no known way of getting rid of them. They were different than most other types of spirits. Most spirits haunted an area or an item. These would exist only where the blood relatives of the person who died had lived at one point. He read a story someone said about a spirit trapped in her apartment that left when the previous resident came to tell her how to fix the issue with the faucet. He read other stories similar to this one and was so caught up in reading them that he didn’t hear the front door shut.

Mary had come home. She asked if he had found anything of interest where he replied “no, not something believable.” They went to make some dinner and discussed what might have happened with the dolls. When they were going to bed the temperature in five rooms of the house were colder than the rest. Five. There were five dolls too.

In the morning they wake up and check on the dolls. They weren’t where they had left them. They go to make breakfast and to their surprise; the dolls were sitting in each of the five chairs at the table. They quickly pick up the dolls and drive them to the dump. They were truly in shock now. Their previous disbelief had disappeared. They went to the antique shop in search of answers.

The owner was the oldest person in town. They asked about the previous owners of the doll. He looked with a smile “why you were.” Mary looking shocked asks “me?” And the shop owner nods. Eric asks “what are you talking about?” The shop owner says “this shop burned down nearly fifty years ago. Killing me along with it. The things in here were items the towns’ people had sold to me over the years. But now the dead come for vessels to the world of the living. The dolls you bought seemed to be possessed by the family in ‘your’ house. When really you were the intruders in the house.” Both Eric and Mary asked at the same time “how did we die?” The shop owner replied “you died together in a car crash. Haven’t you ever noticed that you’re together almost all the time?”

Then at that moment a pale skinned little girl with a flower in her hair walks in through the door holding one of the antique dolls. The shop owner says “the flu has had many tolls this year.” 

By: Kylan Walker


  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

  2. Very creepy and cool idea. But, you need to "tell" less and "show" more. (For example, "Mary looking shocked..."; don't tell me, SHOW me.)

    What do the dolls look and feel like? Make me see them. What do the protagonists look and act like? Make them real. Make me care about them. (The more you say "he" and "they" with no description, the less I care about them. Show me their faces and features, let me hear their voices, etc.)

    BTW, "Haven't you ever noticed that you're together almost all the time" isn't as effective when you have Mary leave Eric to take a walk in a short story.

    I know it may not feel like it, but I do like your story. I want to like it more. Bring in the five senses. Make my spine tingle in fear. Bring it.

    1. Yeah. I was planning on doing a re-write. It didn't feel very complete. Thanks for the input it's much appreciated.


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